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All these people just went over to Haggar and voted for Elijah. See how free and happy they are!

All these people just went over to Haggar and voted for Elijah. See how free and happy they are!

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When I am Groundhog King, everybody will get laid!

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"The cha cha is no more ridiculous than life itself"

— Nick Smith in Metropolitanby Whit Stillman

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Planning the Victory Party

I want you to have a part in planning my victory party. Submit your comments or tweet at me, and we’ll make it the party of the century.

  • Wanna drench the circus with brandy and light it on fire? Well I thought of that first, but sure, we’ll do it.
  • Want Mayer Hawthorne to play “No Strings Attached" for you as you propose to your girlfriend? Done. What the hell, we’ll throw in R Kelly stepping out of the shadows seconds later to hand you guys a velum-bound NFP manual.
  • Want Matthias Andrews to wear the groundhog suit all night, and run around administering honey shots? We’ll pay him whatever it takes. If you’re allergic to honey he’ll have a flask of elderflower cordial tucked in that belly.
  • Want me, your Groundhog King, to swan dive off of the Tower into a pool of champagne jello? We’ll hide Officer Todd in a Haggar closet for 30 minutes while we pull it off.
  • There will be a free bunny rabbit for each party attendee, and for every fifteen beers you drink, we’ll throw in a free chinchilla.

Other ideas welcome…

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Alright, you caught me, I’m a boss

Alright, you caught me, I’m a boss

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Me with my number one fan, Stevie Stevens. I know lots of others are excited about voting for me too, but Stevie is most excited.

Me with my number one fan, Stevie Stevens. I know lots of others are excited about voting for me too, but Stevie is most excited.